Jamaica Jamaica

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Jamaica Jamaica

Yes I do want to move here too if someone would give me a job please... Kingston is crazy but cool - just walking to the local supermarket was a hair-raising experience, and within 20 seconds of leaving my guesthouse to walk to the Bob Marley museum I had an offer of a date from a young boy on a scooter delivering chinese takeout. I don't know why teenage boys seem to think I am a worthy crack on this trip and I suppose it should be flattering, but really why on earth am I attracting the advances of pubescent males and not adult ones??

Anyway, moving on, my next stop was the other end of the island to Treasure Beach. complete contrast to Kingston in every sense, this laidback rural outpost is everything you want from Jamaica with none of the hassle. The locals are also arrestingly mesmerising to look at – many people here have light skin and green eyes, freckles etc – a beautiful mix. On the roadside yesterday I passed a bonafide redhaired, sunburnt, Glaswegian drunkard stumbling along the road, but as I cycled past he was engaged in indecipherable patois. He was a ginger jamaican. The story behind this is that years ago a ship with scottish sailors wrecked here and the sailors decided to forget bonny Scotland and settle here (unsurprisingly...). And so the descendents are a veritable melting pot of various complexions.

I just got back from the beach where I watched the sunset chatting to a local rasta with a blonde beard and freckles, and saw two dogs get stuck together whilst they were having sex. It was very strange. But the rasta dude told me he sees them do it all the time.

I got a lift direct to Kingston at 1am this morning with some people I met. I was paying them for the privilege. And my worst nightmare came true – I couldn't get any money out on the way to the airport, and the cambio office was shut when we got there – so I couldn't pay them!!! ARGH!!! They were friendly locals too who had driven me all the way in their own car, not a taxi, so the guilt was monumental. They must have thought I was the biggest scammer out. Anyway I hope to god my money transfer goes through as that was all I could promise them. Poor gits. They had no petrol and had a 3 hour drive back to Treasure Beach at 4am and it was costing them out of their own pocket. Retribution stood in though as my 6.30am Air Jamaica flight was cancelled so I had to wait til 12.55pm for the next one. And now I just had the once/twice/four times over from US customs at Miami airport, the gits. They really tried to make a scene about my PG Tips tea bags being some highly illegal substance. Idiots.

One amazing discovery I made in Jamaica was Devon stout icecream. It really did taste like stout, and really did taste good as icecream. Yes man!