Memphis, Tennessee

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Holy moly. I loooooove Memphis!!! The bus trip was great! 26 hrs but for some reason it just rolled on and was not traumatic at all, apart from the numb bum thing. I changed buses about 5 times and had some really dodgy places to hang around in during middle of the night whilst the bus got cleaned etc. As my good friend Rachel says, “the buses are basically where the homeless and the destitute live”. And I confirmed this theory with my last Greyhound experience, so this time I was braced for a few hairy moments during the 26 hrs. Not so! Everyone was dodgy and mental of course, but all so friendly towards me! There must be something about an english accent that turns muggers and weirdos out here into helpful community-minded types. At Amarillo a heavily-tattooed young man (including his neck) who had been ogling me suspiciously on a stop earlier walked over to my table in the canteen at 2am and I was rather apprehensive. He sat himself down and started telling me about himself and how he was on his way to Houston to 'start afresh'. Then a 20 stone thugged out mofo shouted across the crowd and said “hey english lady you need to be over here to get your bus to Oklahoma City” and the crowd parted for me to get to the gate. I have no idea how everyone knew my plans but they were all mucking in. On the bus from Elk City in the morning a very handsome but shifty individual got on, sat next to me, we started chatting and it turns out his dream is to visit Paris. He was immensely shocked that I had no kids or husband yet. And on the bus from Little Rock to Memphis, a young hoodie gave me a commentary on the route as we passed things of interest.

I got to my hotel in Memphis at 9.30pm and realised I hadn't really eaten since the sugary blueberry bagel in Oklahoma City 10 hours earlier. So I went next door to a microbrewery with the intention of sampling a beer or two, getting a bite to eat, and coming back for an early night in front of the TV (have not had TV for 3 months so highly thrilled at having TWO in my hotel room). Well, that was the plan. I crawled in at 6am. Somehow I managed to hook up with some local Memphis drunkards and join them in some general hellraising. They were so nice, they even got me a lift back to my hotel at 6am, even though I couldn't really speak properly and was dribbling. I knew the beast would unleash itself after this 3 month hiatus, just not so soon.

So I woke up this morning wondering if it was all a dream, but the hangover reminded me that it did happen. I looked at my clock – 1.30pm. I couldn't believe I had slept in so late. I faffed for ages in an alcohol-soaked stupor before going out and was wandering around aimlessly when I saw a hotel so decided to go in and order a taxi to Graceland. When I got in the taxi his dashboard clock said 4.30pm. I nearly freaked out – my alarm clock was on Colorado time and I am now in Memphis! Graceland shut at 5pm so we raced across and they let me in at one minute to 5pm. Phew! It turned out to be perfect – I had the place to myself – Elvis's house!!!!! The bus driver even said that Priscilla was having a function there so I could probably just stick around and mingle if I wanted!!! WHAT THE???? I ended up leaving as I needed to check out downtown – plus the amount of Elvis suits turning up was getting disturbing (but of course not suprising). Graceland is a really great place to just wander around. It was fantastic just being there.

I'm getting the train to New Orleans tomorrow, arriving at 3.30pm. Jazzfest is on, which is second only to Mardis Gras. Bob my texan coursemate has hooked me up with a place to stay in the Garden District, and his friend that I am staying with works in a distinguished cocktail bar called French 75, and with Jazzfest on there are parties every night. There is no possible way that I will remain sober.

Certified Massage Therapist !!!

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Yesterday I graduated from Crestone Healing Arts Centre!!! By all rights that makes me a 'healing artist'. Now that is something for my gravestone. The day was long. It started with the final test that stood between me and my shiny certificate: the marathon massage. Back to back clients from 8am-1.30pm with no breaks. I knocked out a straight swedish treatment for the first person, then swedish with with some reiki on a broken finger for the second – this was very interesting – as my hand came close to her finger I felt a huge rush of heat go straight up my body and my cheeks turned bright red – then whilst resting my hand over the affected part my palms were sweating and extremely hot. The girl on the table also said out loud “that was intense...”, even though I hadn't told her what I was doing. She said she felt immense heat and lots of tingling in a finger that had been numb and swollen under a plaster cast for days.

The time actually zoomed past, and instead of feeling totally knackered as I expected, I was flying high. I was brought back down very quickly with the mammoth task of cleaning the dojo. End of the session, students clean the dojo for the next group and to clear the energy. I have never been into housework, so this was a painful experience. We even had to wash the walls???!!! Everything was cleaned, no corner left untouched – it took five of us about 4 hours. Hideous. Then we had our graduation ceremony, where my teacher gave each of us a final psychic transmission and cut the energetic cord to end the student-teacher relationship. This was a very special moment, as we all finally realised we had made it, marked with this wonderful ceremony. I realised at this point that my training here has been very special.

Now I am sat in Alamosa, the town I arrived in on a snowy dark night back in February. I am sat in Milagros coffee shop and have 4 hrs til my bus leaves for Albuquerque. The bus office was shut so I have not been able to pick up my ticket, but the staff at this coffee shop have adopted me and one of them is giving me a lift back to the office when her shift ends. So very nice!I will get to Albuquerque at 9pm tonight then get on the bus to Memphis via Oklahoma City. Should get to Memphis tomorrow night – although I have just been told there are storms out that way so there may be delays!!!!!

Crestone nearly over and out

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I have just over ONE week til graduation and then I will officially be certified to manually handle people for a living. Brilliant! I have had so many exams and tests and things to get my head round on this course my brain is still smarting. I also had to teach a kundalini yoga class this week as part of the course which really is a strange and painful experience. Actually, teaching it isn't as I found out – as the teacher I got to wear a turban, sit on a sheepskin on a raised platform at the front of the class and recite the instructions of my chosen kriya, never once breaking into a sweat because I am required to sit there and do nothing excpet that. All the poor buggers participating in the class have to hold strange postures whilst pumping their navels in and out for the breath of fire, or hold their hands above their heads with index fingers pointing to heaven for 18 minutes whilst shouting some kind of repetitive meditation and all the time fixing eye focus on the third eye or end of the nose. As the teacher I got to just sit there on the lovely sheepskin, surveying the pain I was inflicting on those in front of me, and flick through the iPod searching for suitable bonkers bhangra music or a prayer by Yoga Bhajan, with his voice from the grave interspliced onto inexplicably dated disco tracks. Who needs drugs?

Much as my time here has been incredibly educational, opening, positive, strengthening, connective and enlightening, cabin fever has inevitably set in. My dodgy attention span is now refusing to behave itself. I did so well to get into meditative mode when I first arrived back in February – after 2 months of being a beachbum in Mexico I was positively ready to knuckle down. Now my brain is struggling to concentrate on anything except rum, a Jamaican sunset backdrop and a dream soundtrack of Delroy Wilson classics. I am getting lax – even though I am trying to hold it together for the last week or so. I don't get my certificate til graduation on 26 April so I am keeping this in mind when my brain gives up after breakfast every day next week.

So I leave here on 26 April (hopefully with my certificate!) and head to Del Norte, (still in Colorado) for a night. My wonderful coursemate is taking me there to stay with her daughter who lives on a cattle ranch, and they are even going to let me loose on a horse. Western saddles have never been my forte so this is my chance to master the long loopy stirrup vibe and throw the reins around whilst screeching out loud for no reason. I am then heading to Santa Fe, New Mexico for a night or so, then over to Arizona to visit Sedona, where several energy vortexes are located and even more nutters per square inch than Crestone.

If I am not abducted by aliens and funds permit I will fly to San Francisco to meet Weston and Lee (get in touch if 1 May suits you?!!) and the next stop is Jamaica on 2nd May. I can't think past this latter point as I have already pointed out. My brain is fixating on material possessions and shallow behaviour and no amount of meditation is going to get me over this rum-pining hump more effectively than a large bottle of it. My body has been a temple for 3 months. It's time to level the playing field again and have the pendulum of equilibrium swing wildly in the opposite direction of self-control. As I advance in my years, I have learned to accept this as part of the Carnegie family lineage and something to be catered for, not restrained/fought against. Restraint nearly always results in much much more carnage than ever imagined possible. I have come to realise this by observing Father and his on/off relationship with chocolate caramel squares – denial leads to disaster for both objects of consumption and consumer (still M&S or maybe he's found another supplier since I've been gone...)