New Year and still alive - just

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Well I have made it through - just. I don't think I could have been more hungover (or still drunk now I think about it??) for today's 7am bus trip, which turned into 9hrs thanks to THREE stops by police/military along the way randomly checking baggage. Last night was a truly great new year's eve - I think it always was going to be good seeing as I was in a jungle with a bar within walking distance! We went for the meal that the guide arranged, and quite frankly I'm amazed I got to see new year in at all. Lots of people dropped out so only 7 of us ended up going into modern Palenque for this meal we had been told so much about. "A real cultural experience" our dodgy guide promised us. Well, it was cultural alright, but not particularly mexican. I believe gangster culture transcends any culture and is recognisable on any continent for its similarities and mob tactics. Tonight was no exception. The restaurant was actually someone's garage with plastic tables and chairs - rustic but so far so good. The fish was amazing, but the proprietor, a huge mexican called Salvatore with piercing blue eyes and a scar across his philtrum, was a seriously dodgy type who was blatantly into much murkier business than just catering. His mother was out the back cooking so I felt tht was a good sign, but then a table of mexican men got a bit rowdy in one corner of the garage, and one of them started to try and climb up the wall. Salvatore threw him out, then ejected the rest of the people on the table, and then apologised to us about it. We said no problem, and Salvatore then said "yes but I am sorry about this - usually I fight hard.". Then he flicked a switch which activated the electric fence on the wall the bloke had tried to climb up and said "we'll see if he tries to come back."

The food came out and it was really good, and I ordered more beer as Salvatore cackled in the background. He turned up the music (this hulking maniac turned out to have surprising penchant for terrible 80s pop) and I downed my beer extremely quickly. I decided that being not sober would generally help the evening go more smoothly.

Then he brought a baseball bat to the table and put it down next to my plate. He turned it round and used it to open my bottle of beer. I relaxed once more. Then he said "who wants tequila?" This is not the sort of man you can say no to, even though none of us really felt like tequila at this point. He then said "do you want a shot, or the dentist?" Just as it occurred to me that he might be offering to knock out my teeth with the baseball bat, he said " shots you pay for but the dentist is free." It turns out that the 'dentist' option means tipping your head back whilst Salvatore pours straight tequila down your gullet until you scream stop. He then rubs your head roughly so it is even more difficult to swallow, before he falls about laughing and moves onto the next victim. Seeing as Salvatore was staring at me with a scary grin, I opted for the dentist. Oh dear.

At this point most of my group were looking highly uncomfortable and had resisted the dentist treatment, which was upsetting Salvatore. He lso kept shouting "Uma Truman" at me and it took me a long time to work out he obviously thought I looked like Uma Thurman. The man was plainly mad. We had planned to eat the meal then head back to El Panchan and the jungle bar by 10pm. It was now 10.15pm so we started enquiring about getting back to camp. The bill needed to be paid, so Salvatore brought the baseball bat back to the table and totted everything up on his calculator. His 10% was added and all of us happily paid up withough quibbling. We left fairly quickly, and rushed out, leaving our guide in there in a headlock with Salvatore and his unique take on dentistry.

Finally we got back to the jungle camp where the rest of our group was, it was wonderful to be back but I was still slightly disorientated wondering whether the last few hours had really happened. Serves me right for seeing the dentist 3 times in 90 mins. There was live salsa and cuban music at the jungle and it was full of stinky hippies, mexican families and random travellers - a great international crowd and wonderful for seeing new year in. Midnight came and went, unfortunately I didn't, instead continuing to prop up the bar supping cuba libres til 4am, occasionally stepping onto the dancefloor to dance badly and knock over several mexican men wearing muscle vests. Luckily most of the men here only come up to my elbow so it never got nasty. Most of them seem to be scared of me towering above them. I got dragged to the hut by my room mate who also helped me pack 2 hrs later when she woke me up as our bus was leaving at 7am. Ouch. Then the 9 hr bus trip. Double ouch. But now I'm in a lovely town called Merida, in a truly bonkers hotel that is decorated with lot of garden ornaments, inflatable dolls and strange relics from the film industry. And there is a lovely pool which I'm going to hit tomorrow AM. So, hopefully everyone at home had a great new year and feels equally as rough as I do. I'm going to bed now to sleep off the rest of this tequila stupour. Here's to 2008!